Eating out in SF: Double Booked

Halley floated up the stairs of her apartment and breezed in the door. She was still slightly buzzed from the four glasses of exceptionally good wine she drank at Gary Danko, but there was something else tickling a part of her brain that left her feeling lighter than air.

“How was the restaurant?” Kaitlyn begged to know, seeing her smiling roommate.

“The fuckin’ best!”

“Awesome! Did the old guy pay?”

“Yeah… I guess he did,” Halley figured.

“Did you have to fuck the old guy… I thought you were just going to lead him on until after he took care of the check?” Kaitlyn jolted, seeing that something clearly was going on.

“No… we didn’t have… sex,” Halley pondered, elongating her last word, emphasizing she hadn’t taken the decrepit man’s penis inside of her while still implying something did happen.

“Well… what did you do?”

“He made me watch him jerk off.”

“Ewwww! Gross, Halley!”

“No… it was mesmerizing.”

“I couldn’t see how!” Kaitlyn scoffed.

“His dick… the old guy’s dick was so ugly it was beautiful… it was huge and gross and the whole thing was so disgusting but it was like… you know that TV doctor who does those nasty surgeries… where they pop a massive cyst or pull a gross tumor out of someone… and it’s fucking puke but you have to keep watching?”

“Oh, I do love that show… but yeah, barf!”

“Same thing but better!”

“So you jerked him off then?”

“No, he jerked himself off… I just had to watch,” Halley recanted, leaving out the dirty little fact that she currently had his cum soaked handkerchief plastered to her vagina at that very moment.

“And for that he paid at Gary Danko… how much was the bill?”

“It was probably close to eight hundred.”

“Wow! I’d watch the old guy beat his dick off to go there!” Kaitlyn decided.

“Want me to hook it up?”

“NO! Ewww! Well… maybe… let me think about it,” Kaitlyn babbled.

“Just let me know… I’m going to hop in the shower,” Halley trailed.

She went into the bathroom and carefully removed her dress and hung it on the door hook. Sitting on the toilet, she pulled down her thong and peeled the silken handkerchief back slightly. Jerry’s cum had created a thick glue, holding the silk tight, and when she peeled it back, a thick semen paste was left behind that was entrenched in the girl’s pubes and lips. Halley carefully placed the silk, semen side up, on a few sheets of toilet paper on the sink. Then she went about the business of inspecting her cum smeared pussy. The old man had ejaculated a considerable amount and the perfectly shaped dirty blond strip, trimmed down to a centimetre in length, had the clam chowder consistency sperm immersed in every hair.

“Geriatric jizz… makes your skin look as fresh as 1947!” Halley laughed to herself.

Using her fingers, she parted the lips and scooped out a healthy glop of the old man’s cum that had been hanging out just behind her inner labia.

“He really pushed it in there… it’s almost like he came in me… if I had the old man’s kid would I have to name the baby something antique like Mildred or Eleanor… No! No! Ethyl! Hello everyone! Meet my baby, Ethyl! She’s five minutes old but came from sperm manufactured before the cotton gin!” she cackled.

“What are you laughing at?” Kaitlyn yelled through the door.

“Ummm…. Is the cotton gin racist?” Halley yelled while balancing the fat drop of semen on her fingertip.

“Yes, I think so!” Kaitlyn yelled back.

“Then Ethyl is from the era of steam!” she giggled.

Emboldened, Halley popped her finger into her mouth in order to taste the old man’s sperm. There was nothing unusual about the flavor, aside from the distinct taste of her own pussy being mixed in.

“Yes.. yes… an excellent year… pre-war I believe… I taste notes of arthritis pain relief cream, incontinence, and mild dementia!” Halley cackled.


I had a wonderful evening, I hope we can do it again soon, Jerry had texted.  

“He really is old school! I didn’t expect to hear from him for days,” the naked girl, consuming semen in her bathroom pondered.

I did too! Lots! And Def! Halley texted back. Then, feeling mischievous, she held the phone up and took several pictures of herself naked in the bathroom. She discarded all but the two where she believed she looked quite sexy, then sat on the toilet playing with light filters until the one perfect snap emerged, which she sent to Jerry. She used a black and white filter, which she thought appropriate and amusing. She also believe she looked stunningly good in that particular screen.

Hope this doesn’t give you a heart attack! She texted him along with the naked photo of herself, smiling.

You’re getting me excited again! He replied.

Well… if you’re experiencing shortness of breath, dizziness, or a tingling sensation in your arm… you might be about to cum again! She shot back, giggling.

Oh no… I’m saving it for you! He replied.

Maybe I’ll fuck you next time! She shot back.

Maybe… ttyl.

“TTLY… so old!” she giggled, then put the phone down and hopped in the shower to clean the sperm out of her vagina.

The next day, Halley had another date with a slightly younger gentleman caller who was a mere forty-six years old. He had offered to also take her to Gary Danko, but considering she needed to swing by there to get her driver’s license during her lunch hour at work, she though it was prudent she make this new suiter take her somewhere else.

Take me to Mourad instead? She texted.

Mourad had a short-rib that was one-hundred-forty-five dollars, and Halley had been dying to taste the well-reviewed dish, and Kevin, the man she connected with while making plans with Jerry, was just the guy to take her.

Sure, I’ll rendezvous with you there, 7pm. I’ll have on a baroque blue blazer. He had texted.  

“What a chump!” Halley scoffed at his text.

Kevin was some sort of marketing director at Facebook and she assumed he was the kind of man who had a ‘word of the day’ calendar on his desk and tried to fit ‘Panglossian’ or ‘apothegm’ into normal conversations. In all of his pictures he seemed to always have on a sweater vest, probably done in a poor attempt to obfuscate his unattractive, pudgy body. He also smirked in a creepy manner that probably intended to make him look mysterious but led Halley to believe his secret was he, most likely, viewed weird pornography on a daily basis. In the few short lines of text they exchanged, she knew Kevin could be led around by the nose until she was ready to discard him.

“A pleasant evening to you, m’lady!” an unattractive version of the eccentric man she matched with greeted her on New Montgomery Street.  

“Kevin?” Halley asked, hoping the fatter, uglier, more awkward stranger, speaking to her as if they met at a Renaissance fair, was not her date.

“Yes… well… I’m sorry, I got nervous and acted a bit odd… I’ve never been on a date with such a pulchritudinous modern demoiselle!”

Fucking nailed the word of the day! Halley scoffed to herself, trying not to laugh at the man, twice her age, attempting to impress her by using a thesaurus.

“Oh… ok,” Halley nervously stammered, not knowing what to say.

“Oh… wait! I haven’t asked your pronouns and I don’t know if you do identify as a woman… I am terribly sorry! Please forgive me!” he wailed.

This guy is fucking ridiculous! Halley cursed in her own head.

Halley considered making up fake pronouns and insisting on Kevin using them, but she knew that he would, and she had several friends dealing with their own identity struggles and didn’t want to be a jerk to them. She was only interested in punishing Kevin.

“I identify as female… and you are?”

“That’s an interesting question! I lived most of my life being forced to only respond to male pronouns and, now that the world is becoming kinder, I haven’t decided what I truly identify as! The only thing I’m certain of is that everyone deserves respect!”

“Said the privileged forty-six year old white male taking a girl half his age to a Michelin Star restaurant on their first date,” Halley muttered under her breath.

“What was that? I’m sorry, I couldn’t hear what you said,” Kevin politely asked.   

“I said I’m really excited to try this restaurant on our first date!” Halley spoke up.

“Yes! Let’s go inside!” the ridiculous man suggested.

When on her date with Jerry, Halley never felt self-conscious. Jerry exuded confidence and dressed perfectly for his age and build. Despite being a decade older than Kevin, he was eons more attractive as well. Kevin was a strange bird and Halley felt the eyes of other patrons on her, wondering what the pretty twenty-something-girl was doing with the fleshy, peculiarly dressed oaf.

“Would you like to put in a drink order?” the waiter asked the pair as soon as the host seated them.

“Yes! Vodka Martini… Grey Goose, Please!” Halley blurted, needing a stiff drink.

“I’ll have a double sidecar, French,” Kevin smiled. “Halley, do you know which spirits are contained within that particular libation?”

“I do not!” Halley responded, wanting to be somewhere else and looking at the waiter with desperation.

She tuned the man out while he explained his atypical drink, and discretely looked at her phone. Jerry had texted her since the previous night and she found herself wishing he were there instead of this misfit.

Hey! She texted him, under the table.

Hello there. Jerry returned, almost instantly.

I’m bored.

How may I be of assistance?

Amuse me! Halley demanded.

Not sure how I can do that. Where are you?

On a date with a loser… thinking about your dick!

Oh yeah? Jerry posed.

I want to see it!

So you just text me and expect to get what you want?

YES! Halley texted, giggling while Kevin droned about the history of cognac.

So what are you going to do? Meet me in the parking lot?

Why not!

Where are you?


I know the place. I’ll be there in 45… wrapping up work.

Halley was having a difficult time hiding her smile. She couldn’t believe that Jerry was coming to her date at that very moment. Kevin, on the other hand, had talked at the young girl from the moment they sat down. He had not asked her a single question that might have created the resemblance of a dialogue.

“Are we ready to order?” the waiter asked, swooping to the table as soon as he noticed a break in Kevin’s monologue.

“Most assuredly! The lady will be having….”

“I’ll have the short rib!” Halley spoke up.

“Oh, I thought we would do the family style option… we may be a family… erstwhile,” Kevin mused as he raised an eyebrow to the price tag on Halley’s option.

“The short rib,” she confirmed to the waiter, handing over her menu. “And, erstwhile means ‘in the past’ not the future,” she directed back at the foolish man.

The entrees arrived shortly after and Halley savoured every delicious bite of the moist beef.

“May I possibly trouble you for a trifle of that delectable cuisine?”

“Sure,” Halley allowed, reluctantly then steamed when the man, not waiting for her to procure a portion on a smaller plate, used his fork to skewer a massive hunk of her dinner.

Kevin consumed his meal in such a rapid fashion, it gave Halley anxiety watching the man gobble up his food and then proceed to sniff around more of her own. Then Halley felt the phone in her lap buzz from an incoming message.


“Please excuse me to the ladies?” Halley said to Kevin while she rose.

Headed to the back, she walked to the kitchen and saw her waiter.

“I need to go outside for a second… can I leave through the kitchen?”

“Absolutely! If you feel unsafe from that… guy… I can call the police!”

“Please don’t call the police… and I’ll be back… but he is just awful!” Halley giggled.

“Terrible!” the waiter agreed, twisting up his face then ushed the girl through the kitchen and out a side door.

Once outside, she circled around and saw the blue Aston Martin parked across the street. Hustling over, Halley ran to the passenger side and jumped in.

“I’m so fucking glad you came!” Halley cheered.

“This must be some shitty date!”


“So what can I do for you? Did you want to run away with me?” Jerry smirked.

“I just had the most delicious short rib in my mouth a moment ago… I was thinking I’d have something else!” she hinted then made eyes at Jerry’s crotch.

“Oh! Well… Halley, here’s the thing… I don’t want you to touch me… and it’s not you, I don’t want any woman to touch me. I just want to do it myself, but in front of you, do you understand?”

“Uhh… not really! Are you saying that you don’t want me… this face… to suck your cock? You’d rather jerk off?”

“Everybody has their thing,” Jerry shrugged.

“Can I suck it at the end… when you cum?”

“No. I can only cum into the silk handkerchief and then, I very much prefer you take it from me and slip it into your panties,” Jerry explained.

“You really are a freak! You know… I just thought older dudes would have missionary-style sex with their socks on! Humping away with their bushy pubes then watching the Weather Channel while they gummed applesauce and read the obituaries… Never occurred to me that anyone over forty could be weird as fuck!”

“So… do you still want to watch?”

“Of course! Whip out that cock-a-saurus of yours and stroke that bad-boy! I’ve got an idiot waiting for me in that restaurant!”

 Smiling, Jerry reached in his pocket and pulled out another silk handkerchief then unzipped his slacks and freed his massive, deformed penis.

“How did it get so fucked up looking?” Halley breathed, wishing the man would simply let the intoxicated girl suck on his colossal, misshapen penis.

“Spit on it for me,” Jerry instructed, disregarding the girl’s question.

Without needing any more prompting, Halley leaned over, swished her saliva, then dropped her stringy spit on top of the huge, crimson head. Then, she hocked back and spit into Jerry’s mouth, just the way he liked.

With his lubricant procured, Jerry began to furiously stroke. Unlike the previous time the pair played this game, they were very much in public now and Jerry knew that, even though people tended to mind their own business in San Francisco, a flashy car was often worth a second glance and he knew there was a small window before someone would venture to look inside and she the older man, furiously jerking off for the young girl.

“Oh… I want to suck that Shrek dick! Make it cum for me!” Halley moaned.

“MMMM! How long did you keep the last handkerchief?” Jerry grunted while stroking fast.

“I took it home and there was so much cum in my pussy… I tasted your cum… and I kept the silk,” Halley whispered.

“HHAAAA!!” he groaned and began erupting fat spurts of semen into the dangling cloth.

Worried that people were nearby the car, Halley allowed the man to quickly pass her the handkerchief and she hiked up her skirt and carefully squished the warm sperm up to her pussy.

“Wow! That was so fucking hot!” Halley purred.

“Very… do you have to get back to your date?”

“Yeah… listen… we need to talk at some point. This is pretty hot but this is not my fetish… I kinda wanna feel that freaky cock of yours inside of me!” Halley begged as she felt the sperm envelop her pussy while pressed tightly by her lacy thong.

“I haven’t had sex in years… but we can talk about it, ok?”

“Perfect!” Halley cheered then kissed Jerry on the cheek before jumping out of his car.

She retraced her steps and went back behind Mourad, snuck in the side door, walked through the kitchen, then into the ladies room. She quickly found a stall, removed the silk from her thong and carefully cleaned the sperm from her lips and pubes with a wipe. Folding the silk in half, she rushed out of the stall, washed her hands, then returned to the table to find a very nervous Kevin, wondering if he had been ditched at the table.

“I’m so relieved! You’re back!” he gasped, forgetting to use his complicated words.

Halley smiled, not offering any explanation. While she was gone, Kevin had eaten every crumb of food on her place, which was now in front of him.

“Are you interested in dessert or coffee?” Kevin asked.

“Dinner was lovely and I couldn’t possibly have anything else,” Halley smiled.

“Ah!” Kevin grinned then motioned to the waiter who brought over the check.

Opening the black booklet, Kevin’s face drew back seeing the massive bill of fare.

“Did you want to split this or…,” the man directed at Halley.

“Oh we don’t have to split it, thank you! So sweet of you!” Halley corrected.

“Ah… but you see… this dish you ordered was very expensive… maybe you could pay for that and I’ll pick up the rest?”

“Kevin… can you not pay for this date?”

“Well, I can… I just think that we should be respectful of getting to know each other, as friends first, then maybe something else later, but until then, we could split the check… unless you would like to try a kiss… or more than a kiss… I have a lovely bottle of Chablis at my house and I think we have wonderful chemistry… what do you think?”

“So… you, the man who believes everyone deserves respect, basically just told me that unless I go home with you, I have to pay half the check? You’re very comfortable in your position of power over me, a younger woman… who has no power in this situation.”

“Oh! No! I can get the check! That’s not at all what I meant… and if you took it that way, you simply misunderstood!” Kevin rambled, nervously.

“Oh, then I’m glad we now have an understanding,” Halley smiled as the man placed his bank card into the book.

Walking outside afterwards, Kevin attempted to place his hand on the back of Halley’s dress, but she quickly sidestepped the familiar touch.

“Shall we partake in the Chablis, my dear?” he asked.

“I believe such a rendezvous is premature, but, I will offer you my favor, good sir,” Halley responding, while supressing her urge to cringe.

From within her purse, she fished for a lovely silk handkerchief and handed it to the man.

Smiling, he pulled the material up to his nose and smelled deeply.

“I shall sleep with your favor under my pillow tonight, m’lady!”

“And I wish you the most pleasant of dreams, good sir!” Halley replied, quickly punching her address into the Uber app on her phone.

to be continued….

Author’s Note: If you enjoyed this original story, please check out my other original stories in the blog section. Several of the stories have been compiled into full length books.


%d bloggers like this: